I find it strange how some people need to be in a room full of others whose every spec of attention if placed on them. I find it even stranger that that's when I feel most alone. I need just one person to stop me from feeling alone. One person who I know genuinely cares about me. Actually, I don't even need that. I just need words, words of my own, words of others, words written or words spoken. A picture or a video. Anything that conveys a memory or a meaning, a feeling or builds a foundation. Words are after all the foundation of life.
I'm doing some work experience at a local paper at the moment. I'm in a newsroom and all around me I can hear people talking about their latest piece, phones ringing, fingers typing and all of it forms words. Words that help us communicate, words that give us knowledge. We were given an amazing gift when we were given words. And, for this gift we should be thankful and we should give in return while using it wisely. We should use our words to spread goodness and happiness and to spread the truth as we know it.
Tuesday 28 July 2009
Sunday 21 June 2009
Freedom Scares me....
I have finally finished my exams! Now there is nothing to worry about until the day those results come out and I discover what is on offer for the next stage of my life.
Most people would relish the fact they could lay in for hours on end without having to spend hours at a time working to succeed. But, and I will admit, I am a strange teenager at that. I love knowing that my hard work is getting me somewhere in life. At the moment, I have no work to do and therefore I feel like life is at a stand still... and yes it probably is, but the next few years is the fastest it will ever go, and after that my childhood will be completely over, sad; isn't it?
I just wish things didn't have to slow down so much before they become so fast, the contrast is gonna be quite hard-hitting I'm guessing.
Most people would relish the fact they could lay in for hours on end without having to spend hours at a time working to succeed. But, and I will admit, I am a strange teenager at that. I love knowing that my hard work is getting me somewhere in life. At the moment, I have no work to do and therefore I feel like life is at a stand still... and yes it probably is, but the next few years is the fastest it will ever go, and after that my childhood will be completely over, sad; isn't it?
I just wish things didn't have to slow down so much before they become so fast, the contrast is gonna be quite hard-hitting I'm guessing.
Monday 15 June 2009
Possibly Just Wasted An Hour And A Half Of My Life- And Yeah, Get Over It
The acting was great, the story line, fine, but the directing maybe not so much. I just saw 'Drag Me To Hell', and although it was a fun day out with one of my best friends (a lot of girly screaming and hiding being our hands in the back row) I was rather disappointed. In my view, a scary film must have a longer lasting effect of fear for longer than just while you're in the cinema. I don't like the feeling of being scared- it doesn't give me a particular thrill- but it is the sign showing you've just watched a good movie. With this film, although it had quite a few jumpy moments, towards the end the scary tactics just became laughable. I mean, seriously, a fake possessed goat calling a pretty young lady a 'whore', its a big no no for the horror genre.
Okay, it wasn't the best of films, but I try to look at the bright side and say I enjoyed the time I got to spend with my friend. So, I wont look at the bad side and I wont regret what I have done today. I just wont do it again.
Okay, it wasn't the best of films, but I try to look at the bright side and say I enjoyed the time I got to spend with my friend. So, I wont look at the bad side and I wont regret what I have done today. I just wont do it again.
Sunday 14 June 2009
Lessons To Learn
Life is a hard thing... It's just a constant learning curve- but that's what makes it interesting. I never feel fulfilled at the end of a day unless I know I have learnt something new.
I learnt today that it's okay to have been wrong in the past. Someone told me that everyone makes mistakes and everyone gives in sometimes, I knew that already, but he made it make sense. He told me I should admit my wrongs- tell someone about my mistakes and ask for forgiveness.
Forgiveness is a great but dangerous thing. It's great because when you can forgive, you will never be bitter at heart, and when you are forgiven yourself, you should be able to learn from your faults and appreciate how life is teaching you something new. As Alexander Pope said 'To err is human, to forgive, divine'.
But, the danger lies when people take advantage of constant forgiveness, a lesson can only be learnt when people accept what they have done as being wrong and know not to repeat their actions.
I have learnt from my mistakes, and I am thankful that I can be allowed to live the rest of my life without the regret of them mistakes hanging over me.
I find it very hard to admit when I'm wrong, and I find it even harder to say I'm sorry. I used to see it as a sign of weakness. Things had happened to me that led me to believe that certain actions would lead to me getting hurt. I was wrong there too. Although, that part of my history may always be with me to some extent, I am now going to try my hardest to live my life that admitting fault is not wrong nor is it a weakness. In fact, admitting fault is admitting truth- and nothing will ever make you stronger than knowing the truth.
I learnt today that it's okay to have been wrong in the past. Someone told me that everyone makes mistakes and everyone gives in sometimes, I knew that already, but he made it make sense. He told me I should admit my wrongs- tell someone about my mistakes and ask for forgiveness.
Forgiveness is a great but dangerous thing. It's great because when you can forgive, you will never be bitter at heart, and when you are forgiven yourself, you should be able to learn from your faults and appreciate how life is teaching you something new. As Alexander Pope said 'To err is human, to forgive, divine'.
But, the danger lies when people take advantage of constant forgiveness, a lesson can only be learnt when people accept what they have done as being wrong and know not to repeat their actions.
I have learnt from my mistakes, and I am thankful that I can be allowed to live the rest of my life without the regret of them mistakes hanging over me.
I find it very hard to admit when I'm wrong, and I find it even harder to say I'm sorry. I used to see it as a sign of weakness. Things had happened to me that led me to believe that certain actions would lead to me getting hurt. I was wrong there too. Although, that part of my history may always be with me to some extent, I am now going to try my hardest to live my life that admitting fault is not wrong nor is it a weakness. In fact, admitting fault is admitting truth- and nothing will ever make you stronger than knowing the truth.
Can Not Be Normal
It's driving me crazy! -Yes I am about to go on a rant...
I feel myself bubbling with rage every time I think of peoples priorities nowadays. I know where I want to go in life- and I'm doing to make damn sure I get there no matter how hard I have to work. I can't understand why I seem to surround myself with people that just don't care. I love my friends, I really do, but we're getting to an age where, okay we can legally drink (well not quite for me, but still) but, we really need to be focusing on our future if we ever want to make something of ourselves. You can't go through life without working, it's so simple. I hate that I can see people I love throwing their lives away for the fun of the moment but it does them no favours in the long term of life.
I'm lucky I have my boyfriend at the moment. We haven't been together long but he's had such an impact on my life and it's all for the better. He helps me see that I may not be normal but that doesn't mean I'm wrong.
I hate that people look down on me for my beliefs and just for being the way I am in general. Yes, I am a Christian- but that doesn't mean I'm some crazy obsessive person who tries to force my views on other people. So why am I judged for something I keep personal to myself. No, I don't like drinking. That's not to say I've never done it, but I'd rather not get so out of my face I end up making a fool of myself and end up looking like an idiot all over face book. I'd rather someone know me as me rather than doing something outrageous at a party. I've made mistakes and, although I find it hard, I can admit that. But, the important thing is I learn from them and I like to think I'm making myself a better person after everyone. I can't stand it when people say they will change and they will make things better when they just don't follow through. I may just give up.
What's more important in your life? Looking after yourself because you know you can do well if you work hard, or keep fighting for what may be a lost cause?
Teenagers are presented in such a bad image these days. I'd much rather be someone who proves people wrong with this stereotype than someone who enforces it. It such basic logic, but if I'm the only one who can see it- does that make me the one in the wrong?
I feel myself bubbling with rage every time I think of peoples priorities nowadays. I know where I want to go in life- and I'm doing to make damn sure I get there no matter how hard I have to work. I can't understand why I seem to surround myself with people that just don't care. I love my friends, I really do, but we're getting to an age where, okay we can legally drink (well not quite for me, but still) but, we really need to be focusing on our future if we ever want to make something of ourselves. You can't go through life without working, it's so simple. I hate that I can see people I love throwing their lives away for the fun of the moment but it does them no favours in the long term of life.
I'm lucky I have my boyfriend at the moment. We haven't been together long but he's had such an impact on my life and it's all for the better. He helps me see that I may not be normal but that doesn't mean I'm wrong.
I hate that people look down on me for my beliefs and just for being the way I am in general. Yes, I am a Christian- but that doesn't mean I'm some crazy obsessive person who tries to force my views on other people. So why am I judged for something I keep personal to myself. No, I don't like drinking. That's not to say I've never done it, but I'd rather not get so out of my face I end up making a fool of myself and end up looking like an idiot all over face book. I'd rather someone know me as me rather than doing something outrageous at a party. I've made mistakes and, although I find it hard, I can admit that. But, the important thing is I learn from them and I like to think I'm making myself a better person after everyone. I can't stand it when people say they will change and they will make things better when they just don't follow through. I may just give up.
What's more important in your life? Looking after yourself because you know you can do well if you work hard, or keep fighting for what may be a lost cause?
Teenagers are presented in such a bad image these days. I'd much rather be someone who proves people wrong with this stereotype than someone who enforces it. It such basic logic, but if I'm the only one who can see it- does that make me the one in the wrong?
Sunday 31 May 2009
Is It All Down Hill From Here?
Life is a strange thing. It's full of change and unexpected surprises, and I think it's pretty safe to say they are not always good ones. I suppose it's just part of growing up, having to learn to deal with all of these changes and constantly being able to adapt yourself and tolerate everything that goes around you... I think I'm finding that a bit hard at the moment. It's a shame that you have life so easy as a kid and you can't even appreciate it becuase you don't have to worry about all the things that affect you when you go into the real world. Things just seem to get worse as you get older. Are things all down hill from here?
Tuesday 19 May 2009
Freedom
I passed my driving test today :)
It's strange how that even without the car, somehow, knowing that you've been given the responsibility of a license makes you feel so free. I looked in the mirror when I got home and felt grown up... it's silly, I know. But, it's a good thing, I'm going to have to grow up very quickly over the next few months.
Freedom. Growing up. Both I suppose are rather relevant, they all play a big part in everyone's life. People are always growing up, but they can never be truly free. If you think about it, everyone will always be bound by some form of constraint- whether that's for an internal or external reason is besides the point.
The UK is meant to be a liberal democracy...what a load- nowadays we can't do anything without being watched, CCTV, ID tags, DNA databases. The government will say it's for our own protection, and to some extent I can agree with that, but is the sacrifice worth it? Day in , day out, we're being watched by someone, the only place we can know we're safe is in our own homes, and how long will that guarantee last? I'm glad that the government say they have out safety at heart, but there's something inside of me which doubts their intentions, for all we know they could always have a bigger plan. Then, I think- isn't it sad that the world and the people in it have become so immoral that we need to put all of these intrusions in place just so we can walk down the street feeling secure in the fact that if we do get attacked, there would probably- but still not definitely- be justice. What happened to the good old days?
It's strange how that even without the car, somehow, knowing that you've been given the responsibility of a license makes you feel so free. I looked in the mirror when I got home and felt grown up... it's silly, I know. But, it's a good thing, I'm going to have to grow up very quickly over the next few months.
Freedom. Growing up. Both I suppose are rather relevant, they all play a big part in everyone's life. People are always growing up, but they can never be truly free. If you think about it, everyone will always be bound by some form of constraint- whether that's for an internal or external reason is besides the point.
The UK is meant to be a liberal democracy...what a load- nowadays we can't do anything without being watched, CCTV, ID tags, DNA databases. The government will say it's for our own protection, and to some extent I can agree with that, but is the sacrifice worth it? Day in , day out, we're being watched by someone, the only place we can know we're safe is in our own homes, and how long will that guarantee last? I'm glad that the government say they have out safety at heart, but there's something inside of me which doubts their intentions, for all we know they could always have a bigger plan. Then, I think- isn't it sad that the world and the people in it have become so immoral that we need to put all of these intrusions in place just so we can walk down the street feeling secure in the fact that if we do get attacked, there would probably- but still not definitely- be justice. What happened to the good old days?
Sunday 17 May 2009
Torn
They say that these are meant to be the best years of our lives. I think the people who say that have forgot what it's like to be a teenager, to be stuck inbetween what everyone is telling you what is right and you figuring it out for yourself. Everyone says, they do it for your protection- they don't want to see you make the same mistakes as they made. But sometimes you have to make those mistakes so you can learn from them yourself. I think it's strange how people feel they have a right to comment on your actions and your life, to tell you what to do claiming they know whats best for you when the only person who really can know what's best for you is you. Well.... that's what i thought. I love the fact that I can live happily knowing that there is a bigger plan for me, and knowing that everything happens for a reason, so why do I worry about whether what I'm doing is right or not?
Changes
I guess I'm at that age where nothing can remain static, and change is just something I'll have to get used to. Last time I wrote, which was only a few moths ago, I thought my life was so unpredictable...I had no idea. And in just another few short months I'll have to pick up as much of my life as I can, and move it all away and start a new life as a University student. Assuming I pass my A levels that is.
At the start of 2009, I had a plan, and I really did think my life would follow that plan, but, in almost a matter of weeks, every part of that plan had changed. All that started the first time when I really did spread my wings, I went to New York on a trip with the performing arts department at my college. I think it was there I really found myself. I was pulled away from all of the pressures at home and I could find out who I really was and where I really belonged in life. It wasn't what I thought it was. And, although that move pulled me out of my roots and threw me into a sea of unknown oppotunities, it was the right thing to do.
I'm not tied down by anything at the moment. The direction of my life and my relationships have changed rather drastically, but I've found who I am again. I'm not someone who can live their life by other peoples limits and structures- I create my own. And In my life, there are no limits.
At the start of 2009, I had a plan, and I really did think my life would follow that plan, but, in almost a matter of weeks, every part of that plan had changed. All that started the first time when I really did spread my wings, I went to New York on a trip with the performing arts department at my college. I think it was there I really found myself. I was pulled away from all of the pressures at home and I could find out who I really was and where I really belonged in life. It wasn't what I thought it was. And, although that move pulled me out of my roots and threw me into a sea of unknown oppotunities, it was the right thing to do.
I'm not tied down by anything at the moment. The direction of my life and my relationships have changed rather drastically, but I've found who I am again. I'm not someone who can live their life by other peoples limits and structures- I create my own. And In my life, there are no limits.
Sunday 8 February 2009
I'm Spreading My Wings & Learning How To Fly
It's strange really. For years I was wishing that I could grow up, for things to change and for me to be given the independence that I longed for for so long. My mum used to tell me to appreciate my life for everyday and never wish it away- I'm starting to wish I listened.
It seems like I just woke up one day to a whole different life and I really have to learn to stand on my own two feet... but this is in no way a bad thing, because at the moment my life is going exactly where I want it to- I just wish I could take a back seat for a few days just to be able to appreciate what I have now.
It seems like I just woke up one day to a whole different life and I really have to learn to stand on my own two feet... but this is in no way a bad thing, because at the moment my life is going exactly where I want it to- I just wish I could take a back seat for a few days just to be able to appreciate what I have now.
Thursday 5 February 2009
One Of Those Moments
I'm a prime example of one of those totally irrational people who can have a fantastic day and then one thing happens and they go off the rail.
Today, I felt great! I found out I got into my favourite university which was something that was really playing on my mind and know I know it's a relief and it was good news too. But, then the flipping laptop spellcheck was playing up- and it just annoyed me so much.
I blame technology- oh yeah it has it advantages but really, when you think about how intelligent the person who invented it must have been. So how can the average person understand it when something goes wrong? It can get so annoying- especially when you have so much else to do, and so much more on your mind.
Sorry, I felt like having a bit of a rant. :-)
Today, I felt great! I found out I got into my favourite university which was something that was really playing on my mind and know I know it's a relief and it was good news too. But, then the flipping laptop spellcheck was playing up- and it just annoyed me so much.
I blame technology- oh yeah it has it advantages but really, when you think about how intelligent the person who invented it must have been. So how can the average person understand it when something goes wrong? It can get so annoying- especially when you have so much else to do, and so much more on your mind.
Sorry, I felt like having a bit of a rant. :-)
Wednesday 4 February 2009
Strange Ways The Heart Works
There's one thing that has always confused me... people who cheat. I just can't get my head around the whole concept. If you care about someone enough to be with them, then they should be good enough to be all you need. If they are not good enough to be the only person in your life, then obviously they're not the one for you and you shouldn't be with them in the first place. Cheating can hurt so many people. I wouldn't even want to be the one with that pain on my conscience.
Tuesday 3 February 2009
Where do I start?
The last two days have been manic!
I ended up having to force myself through the snow to get to the train station to make it half way up the country for an interview- which, to put it nicely, didn't go too well.
It gets you thinking, I mean I'm 17 and I'm put under so much pressure to do well- whether that's someone else putting me under it or me almost forcing it on myself (which I am quite well known for to be honest) I don't know. There are so many options and so much responsibility I have to be working out for myself at the moment, that's what I keep telling myself- but I keep forgetting that I'm a college student, and there's no point in me even thinking about University if I don't do well in college.
So what am I worrying about now? My mind is filled with so much confusion- and as hard as it is for me to say it, I just need to calm down a bit... Yeah like that's gonna happen.
I ended up having to force myself through the snow to get to the train station to make it half way up the country for an interview- which, to put it nicely, didn't go too well.
It gets you thinking, I mean I'm 17 and I'm put under so much pressure to do well- whether that's someone else putting me under it or me almost forcing it on myself (which I am quite well known for to be honest) I don't know. There are so many options and so much responsibility I have to be working out for myself at the moment, that's what I keep telling myself- but I keep forgetting that I'm a college student, and there's no point in me even thinking about University if I don't do well in college.
So what am I worrying about now? My mind is filled with so much confusion- and as hard as it is for me to say it, I just need to calm down a bit... Yeah like that's gonna happen.
Monday 2 February 2009
Snow Day :-)
It's a snow day. It's beautiful outside, but it's a shame in a sense because it seems that the only reasonably warm place is in my bed! It's strange, you get blinded by the beauty of what it looks like- just a completely blank canvas, it makes you feel like you can do anything and achieve anything in life.
Then when you think about it, pratically all it does is prevent life from moving on, everything stops and the pace slows. It can have a different effect on people I suppose, for some it's just nice to ecsape their hostile life, yet, for others it's a barrier which stops them from doing what they need to do.
I don't know how I feel about the snow at the moment. There hasn't been a beautiful white layer like this in Essex since I was a child, so it's makes me happy- takes me back to a time when there was nothing to worry about. Then again, when I bring myself back to the present day it's caused me to be unable to get on with so much I should be doing... College was cancelled, and to be fair I only had one lesson today but it's still my education and I need to do well becuase I want to get into Uni. Speaking of which I have an interview tomorrow for univeristy, which I am rather nervous about- I really want to get into this one.
Then when you think about it, pratically all it does is prevent life from moving on, everything stops and the pace slows. It can have a different effect on people I suppose, for some it's just nice to ecsape their hostile life, yet, for others it's a barrier which stops them from doing what they need to do.
I don't know how I feel about the snow at the moment. There hasn't been a beautiful white layer like this in Essex since I was a child, so it's makes me happy- takes me back to a time when there was nothing to worry about. Then again, when I bring myself back to the present day it's caused me to be unable to get on with so much I should be doing... College was cancelled, and to be fair I only had one lesson today but it's still my education and I need to do well becuase I want to get into Uni. Speaking of which I have an interview tomorrow for univeristy, which I am rather nervous about- I really want to get into this one.
Sunday 1 February 2009
Getting Started- Who Am I?
I'm Jennie, 17, and trying to find my way in life.
I'm in my last year of college studying; Government & Politics, English Language & Literature and Theatre studies. I'm applying to university and although moving away from home and trying to make it on my own seems like a terrifying prospect- I'm really quite excited. I want to study journalism, I've always enjoyed writing and I love finding out something new everyday, so it just seems like such a good career choice for me. Then again, I suppose that's just one of those things where you just have to wait and see. I'll tell you what though, I'm going to have a good go at trying to make a successful and happy life for myself.
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